Janelle Evans

Growing-up, I never thought I assessed my worth by outside affirmations, until my ninth grade English class.  Assigned a seat next to the new boy in school, I wanted to make a good impression.  No girls, it’s not because I thought he was cute.  My parents had drilled the idea of always using good manners.   Yet, from day one, this kid despised me.

After he called me a “know-it-all” under his breath for answering a teacher’s question, I never spoke again unless the teacher called on me.  When he complained that I smelled, I brought extra deodorant to school and ran into the bathroom to re-apply before English class every day.  When he wrinkled his nose and said my frizzy hair was getting all over his stuff, I began pulling my “frizzy” hair back into a ponytail before class.  It didn’t matter what I did or said, nothing made this boy like me—or at least lower the level of disdain I saw whenever his eyes met mine. 

One day, when I’d had enough.  I caught him after class and asked, “What did I do to you?  Why don’t you like me?”   He shook me off and said, “Look in the mirror—you’ll figure it out.”  

I did figure it out—allowing this boy’s judgments to dictate to my actions was stupid.  I can’t change who I am.  This realization liberated me from the many snide remarks I heard from him in the years that followed.

Unfortunately, in this life, not everyone will like you.  Sometimes personalities just don’t mesh.  But the only person who really counts, is the one staring back to you in the mirror.  When you choose to accept and love yourself as you are, nothing and no one can drag you down.

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of disagreement, spouting hateful words?  Words that you know will cut deeply, belittle your opponent, and ensure a verbal victory.  Only to have the short-lived elation, turn into regret after the heat of the moment passes.  Of course, we can apologize, and we should, but wouldn’t it be better, if we hadn’t said those spiteful things at all.  Even if they forgive you, remember, the mind is slow to forget.  My husband has a rule: Never say it, unless you mean it.  And I can testify he lives by it.  In our nearly twelve years of marriage, he has never had to apologize for something he has said.  Most people who meet him, comment on how quiet he is.  Yet, he’s not shy.  Saying exactly what you mean takes thoughtful consideration and self-control.  Though I must admit, I still have not mastered this rule.  On a few occasions, I have held my tongue rather toss out a pithy retort.  It is in these moments, I am most proud of myself.  And there is no residue of regret lingering to cut my elation short.  Imagine never having to say, “I’m sorry” again.

Where do you go when you have a question?  You know those really pressing ones—boys, parties to attend, boys, should I wear this to school, oh and boys.  Do you seek out the latest info on the internet, media, or poll your friends?   If you want an honest answer, I’d ask your mother.  I’ll pause here for those of you who want to roll your eyes.  Now let’s consider those other options I mentioned.  Asking a friend—who here hasn’t been stabbed in the back before?  Friends sometimes have ulterior motives, mothers don’t.  They only want what’s best for you.  And as for the media, their stances change as swiftly as swaying public opinions.  Do you really want to make decisions based on passing fads that will be “so out of season” in a few months?  Trust me.  No one loves, or understands you, as much as your mother does.  I dare you to try it.  You’ll be amazed by the results.