It’s always lurking.

While spending the Memorial holiday visiting my parents, I spent many nights watching TV rather than sleeping.  After rising for the last three years at 2a.m. every day, my body won’t sleep for longer than five hours anymore.  Yes, I know it’s a crazy sleep cycle, but it’s actually not the point of this post, so stay with me.

During one of those late nights, I saw an interview with Shania Twain on the new Oprah Winfrey network that astounded me.  She was touring a place called the Colosseum located in the Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas Nevada.  For those not familiar with this incredible venue, it’s where Celine Dion and now Cher perform.  They want only the best, and here they were wooing Shania Twain to be their next big star. 

Cutting away to a one-on-one interview, Shania admitted she was scared and worried if she was even worthy of an offer like this.  Then rested her chin in her hand and said something like, “And you out there listening are probably thinking how dare I say that.” 

It was a huge “Ah-ha” moment for me.  Here was a woman I had idolized growing up, singing her “Any man of mine” song all over the house.  Her tough, boot stompin’ persona, had made her millions in the country music industry.  Yet, with even all her success, she was still afraid. 

Something I understand all too well.  From the onset of writing my first novel, I’ve wrangled with a residual fear of incompetence.  At first, my fears were should I, could I, even do it.  For me, writing is nothing like acting.  It’s not someone else’s character I’m playing.  I’m baring my soul on every page in black and white.  Even when I finally held a contract in my hands for my first novel “Duke”, doubt entered my mind.  Holy crap!  Can I finish the second—third?  What if kids hate it?  What if they love it?  And maybe many of you are thinking, how dare I worry at all.  I’m a nobody.  I should be grateful if anyone reads it—period.  Yet, the fear is there just the same.

Feelings of self-doubt are something we all deal with—even if most won’t admit it out loud.  But it doesn’t have to govern our lives.  I find when mine is blaring in my ear, it’s best to use my imaginary duck tape then chuck it in the back seat.  As you can see, I did it today.  Another post finished—whew!

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About janelleevans

I'm a sleep deprived mother of three. I create young adult novels from the voices in my head.
This entry was posted in Inner Circle. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to It’s always lurking.

  1. teresalwatts says:

    Love this! I think she has been out of the spotlight for so long she forgot how much her fans loved her. I know why she stepped out, to save her voice, but I’m glad she’s back. I hope she comes to Caesar’s (may have to go to that one)

    And as always, I admire you for your dedication to your craft. Getting up at 2am every morning to work on your book – love you and can’t wait to read them

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