Janelle Evans

Teachers, just like all people, aren’t perfect, but I love it when they understand the importance of letting a child discover for themselves.

Recently, my daughter came home with George Orwell’s 1984 novel. I walked upstairs and saw her reading it at our kitchen island.

“Where did you get that?” I said. I had read the book years ago but don’t own a copy.

“Oh, I finished the other assigned book for my English class, so my teacher let me pick another one from her collection.”

“Did she say anything about this book?” Having read the book, I could see two school’s of thought on why she might be allowing my daughter to have it. And to be honest, one of those school’s of thought I wouldn’t be very happy about. I want my children to be taught to think for themselves, but I’ve seen far too many attempts at indoctrination happening to my kids.

“No. Why? Should I not be reading it?”

“Oh no, knowledge it power.” And I truly believe that. Every single one of us would be much better off if we turned off the TV and picked up a book far more often. “I was just wondering if she gave you any opinions on the premise.” If she had, it would be harder for my daughter to come up with her own opinions about the novel.

“No, she just told me to enjoy.”

I nodded my head and started to walk away.

“But you’ve never really acted this way when I’ve read other books,” she said. “What is it about this one?”

“Mmm…” I didn’t want to shade my daughter’s thinking with my own biases. “I’d rather hear what you think about the book, so come talk to me about it whenever you want.”

Less than a day later, my daughter comes home from school. “Holy cow, mom. The kids in this book are twisted.”

I laughed. “That’s one way to describe them. Why do you think that is?”

“Because they’re being told a different reality, and history has been wiped away so they think what they’re being told is the truth. It’s making them do terrible things to their parents…”

Back and forth we bantered about the subject matter of the book for almost another half hour. It was such fun conversation to have. The best part, I could see the wheels in my daughter’s head turning. She’s forming her own opinions about the world around her. It’s scary because she might end up with differing opinions than mine, but it’s probably the most important thing she’ll ever do–to think for herself. And George Orwell’s 1984 novel, in my opinion, is a good example of why learning to think for one’s self is so important.

Everyone makes mistakes, everyone at one time or another has let someone down. But both the wronged and the perpetrator in every instance have an opportunity to take these moments and turn them into something positive.

If you are the wronged party, I would strongly encourage you not to dwell on the negative of the interaction. I would also hope that you would refrain from retelling the mistake over and over again to anyone that will hear, especially if this is someone you consider to be a friend. Go back to the first sentence I wrote–everyone makes mistakes. At some point you will be the person who has wronged another. One of the best habits you can acquire is learning to always speak positively of others who aren’t with you. Sadly, negative gossip travels further and lingers longer. Do you really want to be the reason why others think badly of someone they hardly know?

I don’t know about you, but I’m surprised at how social media has become an never-ending experience of walking on eggshells for some. Heaven forbid you don’t agree with every single person your friends with. I hate to break it to you, but I’ve friended a lot of people on Facebook, and I don’t want to unfriend any of them. They all come from different backgrounds and life experiences, and their posts offer me a glimpses into their lives and many different view points. That’s something to be cherished, not destroyed.

Sometimes I don’t agree with what has been posted, but here’s the beautiful thing, after reading it I don’t have to repost it or comment on it. And If I do choose to comment on it, I have to accept that my opinions might not always be well received. There’s nothing wrong with that. It is important that we allow each to choose for themselves how they will think, feel, and act. Remember, trying to force people to do what you think is right has never made anyone a better person. Goodness is not something that can be dictated from others, it can only be found within. And true goodness is only real when it is offered to others freely, despite how you are being treated. No one has the power to stand in judgement of you, so stop allowing others and inanimate things to offend you. Every emotion you experience in life is a choice, choose wisely where you will expend that energy.

My thoughts on what makes a good parent has changed much over the years. My mother always told me to never say never when it came to kids, and boy, was she right. I had such grand thoughts before I had children…

I was never going to raise my voice. I was never going to say, “Because I said so.” I was never going to be that parent that had to physically drag my child anywhere.

After having my first child it wasn’t long before that first “never” went by the wayside. And trust me, I tried. I didn’t start by raising my voice. But sometimes, I swear, they couldn’t hear me until I’d lost my mind and given myself a sore throat. But as I grew into the parenting role through practice, things started to change. I actually don’t yell all that often anymore. I don’t need to. I’ve learned to stop talking until I have their attention. I’m a talker so when I go silent everyone notices, so this technique works like a charm for me.

I also didn’t start out breaking the second “never” until my kids were about three. You can only explain yourself so many times before you can’t take the “why” anymore and just say, “Because I said so.” As my kids have gotten older, I’ve learned to toss their whys back at them with questions of my own. “What are the house rules for late nights? Why do you think that’s a good idea? What might be a downside to that choice?” Making them have to verbally work out why they should or shouldn’t do something has all but ended the “Because I said so” argument. However, every once and a while they still try to get cheeky when told no, so “Because I said so” may truly never be gone. Good thing I’m a parent who can live with not being perfect.

The last “never” I failed at almost immediately. But I don’t regret failing at this one at all. It’s amazing how stubborn kids can be, and how strong you can be when they’re pitching a hairy fit in a public setting. Yeah, I’ll drag you all the way if I have to.

Over the years, I’ve master the ability to cross my arms and raise my eyebrows in such a way when I say one my kids’ name that they pretty much come running. Even last week, while we were at a seven-on-seven football tournament, I said my youngest son’s name with that look. You better believe he came running. He didn’t care that it made the other boys chuckle at his quick response to me. He knows I don’t use it lightly, and I’m dead serious and not above grabbing him by the ear to have a little talk.

You know, the more I think about it, maybe it’s not me getting better at being a parent. Maybe it’s that my children know my expectations and have learned to manipulate the situation to keep me pacified. Smart little buggers, but I remember being one too.