Like most young ladies, my daughter struggles to believe any young man will ever like her enough to want to be in a relationship with her. She doesn’t think she’s pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, athletic enough–pick a category–it’s all the same to her. I hate her constant negativity on the subject and I’m always pointing out the great qualities she has, but it falls on deaf ears.

Incredibly, she thinks being grumpy with everyone around her is somehow the best way to deal with her insecurities. Ugh, it’s frustrating and stupid, if you ask me. So I’m going to tell you what I’ve told her a thousand times. Maybe it’ll reach someone out there in internet land. And because I’m not your mother, you’ll listen and put it into action.

Stop worrying about whether or not a boy will ever like you. That should be the least of your concerns. Instead, focus on changing yourself into someone you can honestly look in the mirror and like. No, this isn’t about being conceited. In fact, it’s the opposite. If there is something you don’t like about yourself, make a plan to fix it. Then, for heaven’s sake, actually put the plan in motion. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your best self be. Stop looking to external praise as a barometer for your efforts. Nobody matters but you. You are the one who has to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

Now, don’t confuse this advice with some stupid notion that I don’t want my daughter to ever have a man or get married. I love being married, it’s added so many amazing dimensions to my life. But there are only two kinds of marriages–really good ones and really crappy ones. Trust me, it’s the good ones you’re looking for. And those good guys don’t want a fixer upper anymore than a good woman wants a fixer upper. That’s why I keep saying start with yourself. Once you have done all you can to make yourself awesome, the dating pool of awesome guys will naturally expand.