Well, it’s wrestling season and my youngest is crazy, so I have to share another sport/mom moment. Let me just preface this by saying it’s really hard for me to watch my children wrestle. There’s always an anxiousness that grips my muscles every time they go out on the mat. I often feel like I’ve been in a car accident when I slip into bed after a tournament. Always stuck in the bleachers, I can’t help but yell the few moves I do know. I’m the mom—I want to help them succeed. And this is really the only thing I can do for them. Well, my ungrateful little redhead didn’t see it that way this last weekend.
He tore through the tournament, beating the first three opponents he faced off against with ease. Then we come to number four. This one’s fairly matched in technic and strength with my son. It’s a tight match, so my yelling increases. It’s not like a make a conscious choice—it’s a gut reaction to the building stress inside me.
My son, in the middle of a move looks up at me and yells, “Be quiet.”
“Don’t talk to your mother like that,” says Dad, who is coaching mat side.
This back and forth between my son and husband goes on for most of the third period. At one point my son gets rolled and yet he keeps talking to my husband about how I’m distracting. I’m distracting? How in the world are you wrestling and talking at the same time?
That little booger ends up winning by points anyway. His antics left everyone in the crowd around me laughing. I was not amused. So much for karma showing my son how powerful a cheering mom is.
There is a gift in losing that can never be received any other way—it’s called compassion.
My youngest son is fun to watch in most sports. How fast he picks up on athletic skills has blown my mind on more than occasion, but that doesn’t mean he always wins. Far from it—not even fifty percent if I’m being honest. And after watching him this weekend, I can say that all those losses have been for the best.
In a four-man bracket at a wrestling tournament my son finished his last match—an easy pin on someone who clearly was new to the sport. Rather than just shake hands and go his way, he took the teary boy back to his coach with his arm around his shoulders.
I shook my head at the animated way my son lifted his hands up, like people did years ago when saying “raise the roof.” Once a smile cracked on the boy’s face, our son rejoined us on the other side of the mat.
“What was that about?” I said taking his headgear.
“I felt bad about making him cry, so I told him about my very first match, and how I pinned myself by trying to bench press the kid off of me.”
It was an epic loss we still laugh about today.
I couldn’t have been prouder. He didn’t the win the bracket, having experience a loss of his own earlier in the day, but that wasn’t his focus. Instead, he reached out to someone who he could see was in far more need of comfort. All those losses through the years had given him an intimate understanding of what defeat feels like, and he wanted to ease that pain. To me, that makes him one cool kid. He added to my understanding of what it really means to compete in sports.
Experience is life’s greatest teacher. Sometimes it’s the only way you can be taught, which means there is a good chance you’ll be starting out with little to no understanding. Don’t fear those moments—embrace them. No one has all the answers or has experienced everything. And no one is beneath you, no matter how intelligent you think you are. Farmers know things lawyers do not, and vice versa. Everyone you meet could teach you something you don’t know. Just imagine what you could become if you lived by that truth. What knowledge you would acquire if you listened with intent to learn. In fact, the older I get the more I realize how little I know about the things I thought I understood well. Yeah, that was a confusing sentence. 🙂 There is always room for growth, always.
Ah…communication, probably the single most helpful and yet often most frustrating part of being a leader. You gotta do it. It’s the only way the people beneath you will know the how, when, where, and what you are leading, but let’s face it, words get misconstrued all the time. And sadly, being a mind reader doesn’t exist outside the realm of fantasy. How do you ensure your words are reaching the necessary level of understanding for your endeavor to be successful?
First, make sure you use language familiar to the person you are dealing with. You may be the smartest, most qualified leader the world has ever seen, but if someone can’t understand what you need them to do, your knowledge and leadership is worthless.
Be willing to look for other avenues of communication. You might literally have to paint someone a picture to get your point across. That shouldn’t bother you—we all have different strengths and ways we learn. A leader who is willing to try every avenue will eventually find success with those they work with.
I could go on and on about communicating, but I will leave you with this one last point. You’re going to make mistakes in this department, I promise you. Picking the perfect course of communication for everyone you work with, every time, is not possible, so don’t beat yourself up. A leader who never gives up, never truly fails.
Staying positive can be hard at times, but when you’re a leader, it’s critical that you always find a way. Most people do not react well to negativity, it tends to make them less productive. Remember, as a leader, you are like the gasoline for engines. The more pumped up octane you provide those you lead, the better your group’s engine will perform.
This positivity shouldn’t just be about the goals you are trying to attain but also those working with you. Be careful how you speak about those you lead. If you show a constant example of speaking only uplifting things about those under you, everyone will be more likely to do the same. Nothing ruins engines faster than the fissures that come from within. It takes a positive leader to keep them to a minimum.
The world will always be in need of leaders. As one generation passes away the torch of guidance must fall to someone—the responsibility cannot be left on the ground. But what does it take to make a great leader? Are they born or bred from the circumstances they face? I imagine it’s probably a little bit of both. I’ve have many opportunities to lead in my life and I’ve also had the pleasure of working beneath effective, amazing leaders. Over the next few weeks I want to focus on some of the key characteristics those great leaders had, in hopes that the rising youth will try and incorporate them into their own lives.
At the top of my list is humility. Some of you might find that trait an odd one to put first, but I truly believe it is the most important. A leader who believes they know it all is unteachable, and even worse, often unchangeable. When working with people it is a fundamental truth that no two people are the same. A leader who is humble honestly assess themselves and those around him, trying to find the best means to draw out everyone’s strengths. A humble leader wants success for their entire team, not just themselves. This kind of attitude always generates positive emotions in others. And nothing motivates people more that feelings of positivity.