Janelle Evans

During a long overdue family vacation last week, my daughter and I were walking up a steep hill back to our vehicle. We had been boating all day and would be returning the next, so we left my sister’s boat at a slip for the evening. My husband and son had taken off ahead of us, carrying items that we didn’t want to leave behind. My daughter and I also had a cooler and a swim bag filling with things that needed to be either dried out or exchanged before the next day. Between the heavy items, the steep hill, and the extreme heat, my daughter’s patience waned pretty quickly.

“We’re fine. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and we’ll get there,” I said.

Of course, she rolled her eyes. “Why did we get stuck with the heavier stuff?” She thought her dad and brother had gotten off easier with the smaller items they had taken ahead of us.

“Don’t you worry,” I said with a smile. “Your father will be back before we even reach the top.”

“How do you know that?”

“Haven’t you ever notice that when there’s work to be done, your father is always the last to be finished. As long as he is around, you are never alone.”

It wasn’t long after I made that proclamation that the man himself appeared at the top of the hill again. He jogged down to where we stood and took the cooler from her and the bag from me, then turned and climbed again.

Now hands free, my daughter leaned over to me and whispered, “I have the coolest dad.”

“And I hope you never forget it,” I said.

He may not be a man of many words, but he doesn’t need to be. Over the past twenty-plus years I’ve known him, his consistently selfless actions speak for themselves. I truly hope my daughter can find a man of her own that is cut from the same cloth one day.

‘The world in which we live can be dark and very cruel at times, but joy can still be found. It’s not always easy to see. Let’s face it, everything wrong in this world sticks out like a soar thumb, but the lift you experience by finding those little positive threads are worth the effort. And it is something you can control. No matter the situation, you can find a reason to be grateful. I know it’s hard, the frustration and heartache of life always seems to be lurking close by. But dwelling in the negative will only drain your strength and can even warp the mind into even darker spaces. It’s a downward spiral for those who choose to focus there. If you must, start small–list one thing a day your grateful for and why. You will be so a happy you did.

Over the years I’ve learned the importance of giving people second chances. Not every second chance has ended up in friendship but more often than not my first impression of that person has been altered. So I’m constantly counseling my children about this fact, something my daughter has been getting her own taste of this past year.

Last summer, a new young man was hired as a lifeguard at the pool my daughter works at. This young man happened to be incredibly good looking. Every girl on staff was freaking out at his presence. I’ve had this kid in my car a couple of times so I can attest they are not overreacting, he is pretty but that is beside the point.

At the first quarterly in-service training after his hire the manager asked my daughter to be his partner. As a seasoned swimmer and lifeguard, he thought my daughter would be able to help him the most. My daughter thought nothing of it but didn’t like how coldly the boy treated her the entire time during that in-service.

“He’s a stuck up jerk,” she told me.

Over the past year and many crossing schedules, their many interactions softened my daughter’s initial feelings on that young man. And his initial coldness warmed up immensely. He even personally took every shift of my daughter’s that he could when she had her car accident in December of last year.

Then, this last week, while they were scrubbing away at the locker rooms after closing for the night, he confessed why he had treated her so badly that first in-service. He thought she had asked to be his partner because she wanted to touch him.

My daughter said he sprayed him in the face with the hose she held when she heard it and said something like, “I didn’t ask to be you partner, the manager assigned me to you.”

He apologized for thinking negatively of her and told her he’d really enjoyed working with her. He also thanked her for treating him normally and not always trying to flirt with him. I guess being so extremely cute comes with hazards us normal people will never understand, but I could have told him if my daughter really was interested she wouldn’t have been able to talk to him at all. It’s the saddest phenomenon I’ve ever seen, and one I hope she will overcome one day. But I am glad that both of them have come to recognize it’s not so terrible to give someone a second chance.

Over the years I’ve been to many youth campouts. These campouts have happened in different states–sometimes with only girls and sometimes with mix company–but without fail there is always at least one defiant youth who doesn’t want to follow the rules. I don’t know how they manage to spread themselves out so thoroughly to guarantee no volunteer leadership will ever go unpunished, but they seem bent on making the leaders over them as miserable as possible. Why, you may ask? Sadly that reason never seems to be the same, so it’s hard to say for sure. And you may wonder why teenagers like that will always see me smiling even while repressing an immense urge to just pop their head right off. I take comfort in the fact that karma’s a bitch. One day they will find themselves seen as the supposed old and uncool leader who just doesn’t get it, and it will be their turn to be disrespected. Oh to be a fly on the wall for that moment–just the thought of it keeps me smiling.

The brutal truth about life is sometimes you’ll never win. My daughter learned this truth last week, and it broke my heart. She’s been trying to get on the competing ballroom team at her high school for three years now. I’ve blog several times about her growth as a ballroom dancer, going from I have no idea what I’m doing to being able to name every dance step there is. She truly loves it and worked hard to improve. Next year she’ll be a senior, so this was her final opportunity to make the team. After tryouts she was so hopeful.

“I didn’t mess up once and I did every lift.”

But the next day we received the email that she would be remaining on the JV team. Crushed, she struggled to come out of her room. As a mom, part of me wished there was a way to take away the pain of the disappointment. And I might have thought about punching the stupid teacher in the face for split second, but thankfully my cooler head prevailed. I decided the best thing I could do was hug her through the sorrow and then the teaching moments just kept coming.

A friend of hers on the JV ballroom team sent her an excited text to tell her she had made the varsity team. My daughter cried even harder.

“Don’t be mad at her. She wanted to make the team as much as you did. I know it’s hard, but you need to congratulate her.”

The next text was from a girl on the JV team, sending out a group text to gloat about making the varsity team. I just kept hugging her.

“Well…you always said you didn’t like how she made things difficult on the JV team. At least now you won’t have to deal with her anymore.”

The next text came from a freshman girl that my daughter had befriended this year. She had made the JV team.

“Hey. Isn’t that a silver lining? Someone you actually like hanging out with will still be on your team.”

She rolled her eyes, but over time the tears ebbed. We went out to lunch for a final pity party and then I told her.

“Put it behind you and move on. There are still opportunities to be found in disappointments, but only for those who stop wallowing the “if only” and look for them.”

I know I need to get over the “if only” too, but being a mom is a special kind of hardship I could have never fathomed before having kids. The good thing is, I’ve lived long enough to know this too shall pass.